vampirelayer | [01] the slayer has landed

[01] the slayer has landed

After dealing with an army of last-bagel-gobbling bathroom-hogging three-am-giggle-fest Slayerettes in training for months on end? I'm pretty sure dealing with reforming one hardened criminal will feel like something of a vacation. I mean hey, there's no looming Apocalypse, no nightly vigils at fresh grave sites (one of the many advantages of boats - that whole lack of cemeteries thing), and no one lifting my hairspray every time I turn around.

Sounds like cake.

Or at least like one of those little Hostess cupcake things you can get out of vending machines, which aren't as good as real cake, but they're still tasty if you don't think too hard about that whole nutritional value thing.

Oh, I should probably introduce myself. Buffy Summers. Slayer. Long resume of world saving, and new resident warden.

But no really, are there any vending machines on this boat?

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Vending... machines? They'd put a lot of people out of business. ~~but be far less annoying than Dibbler.~~

[long pause whilst he thinks about this]

Do you know Spike?

Why, are there people selling black market Doritos out of their cabins?

[And whoa there, back up the truck.]

I knew Spike. Why?

They would be in my city. But in my city, the black market's the white market and they'd be a bit pissed if a machine took their job.

[loooooonger pause. should he tell her. hm. hm. will Spike kill him? Probably, yes. But hey, he's never shied away from annoying people.]

Spike's here. I...am now thinking I should have told him about you before you about him, but what's done is done.

Careful, Doctor. Your tact is showing.

Do you believe this madamoiselle to be from Spike's world, Doctor?

By the Gods, that's not supposed to happen, I don't have that much tact to show!

She used terms he's mentioned to me. I'm fairly sure of it.

Luckily, I was present to warn you and save you from any further embarrassment [Donny has been teaching him sarcasm, Hix. I think he's doing well.]

Which term in particular did you recognize?

Luckily, yes. [Unfortunately, Hix has been doing this sarcasm thing for decades]

Slayer with a capital S.

And what city is that? I'm fairly sure 'you're being replaced by a robot and/or toaster' is something people aren't happy to hear anywhere.

[And now she's just going to be staring for a moment trying to find words.]

He's here. That's...

impossible

wonderful

confusing

all of the above

...I don't know if I want to know the answer to this question but is he on Team Warden or Team Inmate?

And you're sure it's Spike? Vampire, sometimes mistaken for Billy Idol, says 'sod' a lot?

Edited 2010-05-06 16:35 (UTC)

Ankh-Morpork, on the Disc.

[Private]

Team Warden.

Shockingly blond? That's the guy.

... Is that in Eastern Europe?

[Private]

The last I knew that ... guy was dead. Hence, the shock and confusion. Which is still... present.

And I mean more dead than your standard vampiric-dead, too.

No, it's on an entirely different planet.

[Private]

Psh. You don't think death is a barrier to anything in this day and age, do you?

I'm more aware of the difference than it first appears. Seriously, though, lots of people are dead here. Some wardens as well as inmates.

... Beverly Hills?

[Private]

Ok, point taken. I've got plenty of experience with boomerang-death-syndrome.

Annnd apparently I should have paid more attention to the brochure for this place.

If I'd have heard of it, I'm sure that'd be hilarious.

[Private]

It's all in the small print and the bits just-outside-of-the-picture-frame.

I'm sure.

So... bona-fide X-Files style alien then?

[Private]

... Where is he, by the way?

No, I'm human. Just not from Earth.

[Private]

Not entirely sure at the minute. He needs poking with a big stick, clearly. And I am your man.

Oh right. Because that sounds very... possible.

[Private]

Actually, I think I'll be keeping any and all big sticks away from him. Vampires don't exactly take to those well.

It's entirely possible. The Disc is not Earth, and me and Captain Swing are entirely and utterly biologically human.

[private]

I know. There's a joke in there, I promise you.

Oh, sorry, I'm a bit rude. Doctor John Hix.

Captain... Swing?

[Private]

Oh right. I was just... it's a very literal... statement where I come from.

Buffy Summers. As... previously stated above. It hasn't changed.

Yes, that's his name. I don't think he has a ~~good~~ sense of humour, I'd be careful with that.

[Private]

Noted. I just realised I hadn't mentioned mine.

I don't know if I'd have a good sense of humor either, if that were my title.

[Private]

I don't know why we're filtering this part anymore.

It should be the other way around, given that we are talking about someone else.

[Private]

You really don't want to know his first name either. Or hear him talk.

God, it's no wonder he really isn't amused by anything...

Good point.

What's wrong with the way he talks? Is he... southern or something?

No, no... he has no sense of rhythm, it seems. Imagine what that'd do to how you talk.

Imagining, and I'm totally getting the picture. I think.

Needless to say, the chances of him ever having a sense of humour decline by the minute.

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cuzitswrong.livejournal.com - 2010-05-07 19:27 (UTC) - Expand

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[01] the slayer has landed

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PRIVATE EVERYTHING - lol. actually taking the piss out my own character.

PRIVATE EVERYTHING - lmao, that makes it better :3

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