vampirelayer | Entries tagged with logs

Prompt:
Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.
-Kurt Cobain

Timeline:
Post S7 finale, en route to the castle at

crowdedhour

As childish as it might have been, there was a part of her that really didn't want to go alone.

There was an even smaller part, hardly audible deep within the recesses of her heart, that didn't want to go at all.

Everybody else was together right now, in some way, some form. Even Faith, who'd run off to Cleveland to deal with big bad Hellmouth mach 2, had Robin with her, and some of the Slayerettes. Ones she considered friends, as well, seeing as how she'd actually made the time for it. Not just the time either... the effort. It was easy for Faith though. People liked her. She had something magnetic. It certainly wasn't tact, or kindheartedness, or good manners, but it was fascinating nonetheless, and the girls had responded to that.

As much as Buffy had always felt apart from the crowd, being The Slayer, she'd never categorized herself as 'fascinating'. Here she was, some sort of living legend, making young vampires quake in their snakeskin boots, but when it came down to it, she wasn't sure how much of anything she was besides the Slayer.

As she looked out the window of the helicopter, watching the clouds haze across the landscape below, her thoughts drifted to Willow and Xander, Giles and Dawn. She knew how much their world-savey teamness meant to all of them. How it defined their lives too. But she could imagine, however briefly, how each of them might go on if they woke up the next day and vamps had vanished off the face of the earth. Demons disappeared back into the pits of Hell. She could sort out little alternate futures for each one of them. They had personalities that would allow that. Pieces of themselves that still belonged to ye olde mundane world.

She couldn't imagine any such destiny for herself, though. Which was part of the frightening bit of no longer being the only (excepting Faith) slayer. Now, if she chose to, she could claim her life for herself. Take it back. Wrest it out of the hands of those men long ago who'd chosen to embue a girl, chosen without her consent, to be their defender.

But there was that tricky word. Consent. Maybe it had never been consensual at first -- when she'd been ripped out of her gum chewing, clique leading ways and forced to grow into a fighting machine. But now, even as she sat, lonely on this chopper, she knew in her heart of hearts that she couldn't be doing anything else. It would have been nice to go hang out on a beach with her friends. It would have been nice to forget, for one tiny second, about saving the world.

It would have been even nicer to not have had to go off alone on a mission only days after she'd lost Spike the way she did. It would have been nice to be surrounded by people she loved, so she didn't have to pay any mind to that hole in her gut that was a result of that loss.

But Buffy's world, for better or worse, just wasn't that. It wasn't nice.

But it was hers. A flicker of unbidden pride rose in her throat, and her chin tilted up slightly as the helicopter began to descend.

And nobody can take that from me, she thought to herself. Least of all, me.

Buffy's Crowded Hour Logs

1. I'm Turning Turning Turning Turning Turning Around (Buffy, Anya, Camel) Upon arriving, Buffy runs into a Camel, and Anya. Buffy comes to the conclusion that Anya survived, albeit suffering some memory loss, while they try to keep the Camel from entering the castle. After dropping the news that Willow blew up the shop, and the others are all in England, Buffy decides to leave Anya in the entry hall while she goes to look for little Slayerettes. Finished.

2. Things like this don't happen to a girl twice -- Right?  (Buffy, Fred, Angel). Buffy goes outside to phone Giles about Anya being alive and runs into Fred. She finds out that she works with Angel in LA, and that Spike is alive (again), which throws her for the big loop-de-loop. She also finds out that Angel & Co are part of Wolfram and Hart now, or at least using their resources, which she finds suspicious. Fred tells her that she's waiting for a meeting here with Angel, and despite herself, Buffy wants to see him. Luckily, he arrives, right on cue. The three of them put their heads together and realize this was a trap. They find the Flax Cottage and name it their HQ, deciding how to proceed. Hand-waved.

3. no you girls never know (Buffy, Edie). Buffy meets Edie, and thinking that she lives there, ends up traveling back to the Past with her.  They encounter a T-Rex, and after Buffy initially tries to kill it, they discover he's just looking for some help with an injury. They patch him up, and Edie reveals that no one can leave the castle. Finished.

4. Contact list. (Buffy). Buffy adds her name to the sheet, gets the numbers of Dairine and Sam, and figures out how to work the phone (sort of). She decides to go to the dance. Finished.

5. Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?  (Buffy, Sam, Romana, Spike). Buffy attends the dinner hoping to run into Dairine or Sam. She introduces herself to Sam as well as Romana, and is about to talk to him about their shared line of work, when Spike sits down next to her and rattles her completely. Finished.

6. who would sell their soul for love (Buffy, Spike). Buffy takes Spike back out to the cottage, finding out that he was staked by Cordelia, and they talk a bit about his death. Buffy reveals that she's in love with him, and convinces him to believe it. They go for a walk in which Buffy questions him about whether the First has been able to exercise any control over him here, which he denies. Satisfied for the moment, things heat up between the two of them quickly. Finished.

7. if i find my piece of mind | torture me (Buffy, Dairine, Cordelia, John Hart). After hearing about the vampire attack from Reid on the phone, Buffy contacts Dairine to meet up. They talk about wizarding and slaying, and Buffy gives Dairine info on vampires. Cordelia shows up and asks if Buffy's heard about the crazy vampire. They share info, and Buffy gives her some grief about slaying Spike, trying to explain that he's a good guy with a soul now. Cordelia doesn't believer her... and then John Hart walks in. Thinking he's Spike, Buffy tries to get him to help her convince Cordy, but all of this is cut off when Cordelia has a searingly painful vision of Sam's death at Isaack's hands. Buffy and John move to help Cordelila, and Buffy realizes John is totally human, and definitely not Spike. Cordy tells them what she saw, and they run off to save Sam. They're too late, and find his mangled corpse. Buffy sends out a message to Dean, and they stash the body in a room downstairs and go to investigate. Isaack's gone and cleaned the room out with bleach. Angry, Buffy sends out a warning to everybody, including the vampires (and Isaack responds using John's phone). She also tries to get a hold of Angel. Finished.

8. [untitled] (Buffy, McCoy, Isaack, Castiel, Dairine, Gwen, Jack). After setting a trap, with McCoy as bait, Buffy calls together a team to take on Isaack. They corner him in the library, and he and Buffy fight. He manages to stab her with a scalpel, and she stakes him in the shoulder, surprised when he starts bleeding. Castiel manages to freeze him entirely, and he passes out. Dairine uses a spell to stem his blood loss, while McCoy patches up Buffy. Gwen sends out a call and Tony says he can build a cell for Isaack, at which point Jack Harkness shows up. Isaack manages to take Dairine hostage, but in the end, they prevail, and take Isaack into custody. Finished.

9. [untitled]. (Buffy, Willow). Buffy runs into a newly arrived Willow!  And finds out that she thought Buffy was dead...    Hand-waved?

10. The Monster is trapped. (Buffy, Jack, Isaack). Buffy guards Isaack's cell until Jack comes to relieve her (and deal with some unfinished business). The two express their mutual respect for each other after the encounter in the library, and then a very sleepy Buffy leaves to catch some zzz's. Actually takes place directly before Log 9. Finished.

11. the trick is to keep breathing. (Buffy, Marco, Sylar). Out on patrol, Buffy bumps into the Angel of Death himself. Sylar appears and takes an interest in Buffy's slayer power.... Hand-waved.

12. it's non existent but we just keep believing (Buffy, Sam). Hand-waved.

13. [untitled]. (Buffy, Faith, Spike). Hand-waved.

14. a fatal attraction holding me fast, how can i escape this irresistible grasp? (Buffy, Spike). On-Going.

15. love in the time of raptors. (Buffy, Angel). On-Going.

Prompt: Marriage from

justprompts
Timeline: Set sometime during early S7 before Conversations With Dead People

It seemed like a simple enough thing to do. Just circle not attending, stuff it back in the envelope, slap a stamp on it, and send it out, away, no more thinky about it.

So why was her pen still hovering?

Buffy released a frustrated noise and dropped the pen, sliding her face into her hands.

It wasn't that she cared one way or another about the event. It was a second cousin's wedding, a relative she couldn't remember seeing since they were throwing sand at each other with Swimmies on their arms. No one would expect her to attend, or miss her if she didn't. All she was doing was opting out of several boring hours of obligatory waving, and chitchatting, and little-white-lying about how she was doing and why she'd dropped out of college.

No, it wasn't anything about this particular wedding itself that was bugging her. It was just staring at that lacy invitation with the loopy calligraphy and the little picture of white doves intertwined with rings. It was seeing the name of her cousin paired with another one she'd never even heard, in such a concrete way.

It was that feeling that had instinctively sprung up when she'd opened the envelope, a feeling something like annoyance, though she never liked to admit that, at just another thing that she'd never be a part of. Another of those pesky life stages she was bound to miss out on.

She tried not to let her mind slip down that road, but she couldn't help but have images of herself in a fluffy white dress (but not too fluffy, ew ruffle-age) with a big bouqet in her grip, walking down an aisle. But there was nothing to picture at the end of that aisle. Hell, two of her relationships had been vampires, who weren't big on being the marrying type (not that she'd ever have married... oh God, there was a terrifying domestic picture). But what was the worst part, was that even if things hadn't gone as they did with Riley, she couldn't ever imagine herself being Mrs. anybody.

Being part of a team.

Maybe that was it -- in a partnership it was all about equality, facing the world together, in every way.

And while she could have others behind her, others to rely on, others who helped her out, in the end she couldn't be part of a twosome, because she was always going to be the damned Chosen One, and that was always going to influence things. She couldn't bow to someone else's decision in the name of compromise and love, if it meant compromising what she had to do. Her mind flashed back momentarily, begrudgingly, back to her fight with Xander when she'd told him she had to kill Anya. It drove her point home.

So. There it was. There would be no white doves for her, no lacey edges, no bickering over color schemes, no ugly ceramic wedding gifts, and endless streams of relatives she didn't particularly know.

On second thought, not sounding so fairy tale after all, Buffy mused. She picked up the pen again, and decisively circled 'Not Attending'. She stared at it for a moment, until she had herself convinced that it was an invitation to a wedding she didn't even want to attend. Not an invitation to life in general.

Geez, Summers, enough with the over-drama-rama, she chastised herself, and then shoved the invitation in the envelope.

Current Music: Troubadours - Rilo Kiley

RP Sample

Everything seemed sort of floaty, and not in a good way. More like detached, like a balloon that a little kid let go of in the park on a sunny day. It just floats up and up towards the bright blue sky, the sun streaming down on it, like nothing's wrong, or ever going to be wrong again. But there's an achy look on that little kid's face as they watch the balloon leave them. It's loss. And it doesn't care how bright the sun is shining.

It still feels like part of you is floating away with that balloon.

And the next part is when the kid's parental tugs on their hand and goes 'C'mon, little Tommy, let's go' and the little kid has to figure out what they're going to do now, because they're never getting that balloon back.

All these thoughts drifted through Buffy Summers' head now, as the bus rolled over rocks on the roads, small hills, leaving a bigger gap between everyone on the bus and the gaping hole that was back there. Back where the balloon floated into the sun.

A light, talk about ironic, for him to go out in a ball of light. She shook her head against the thought. Wasn't light though, it was burning. A lot more fitting, really. Out in fire. It conjured up the image of the balloon floating into the sun again.

She didn't want to look around, but her head moved involuntarily to survey the others, do a status check. She didn't want to see it, knew there was pain all over the inside of this vehicle, people grieving, people still shocked. But if she didn't bother to check on them, who would?

They were just girls.

Scratch that, she corrected herself, seeing the expressions on some of the faces gathered. Not just girls anymore, if that's what they were going into this.

She waffled for a moment over whether to add that to the pile of victories or the running tally of losses.

Dawn caught her eye, on the other side of the aisle. They held each other's gazes for a long moment, and then the corner of Dawn's mouth crooked up, and a smile of affection, of something like gratitude and relief, came into her eyes.

Definitely with the victory today, Buffy thought, as she returned the expression -- and the emotion.